Monday, August 1, 2011

Dad, kids host crowd without mom

When L.'s 4-H rocketry club asked Fino about water rockets, he eagerly offered to have the meeting at our house. He had all the equipment and space needed to do it so it would be easiest to have everyone over to our house for the meeting.

The trick of this offer was that I wasn't going to be able to be home at the time of the weekday afternoon meeting. Fino has been the primary at-home parent for several years while I work full-time (and not at home) and he is certainly capable of hosting people at our house without me. But still, I feel compelled to try to be home when a larger crowd is going to be there (about 25 kids and adults).

I left the girls with a list to pick up a few things around the house before the crowd arrived but I couldn't anticipate everything. I told them to be flexible and if somebody needed soamething, be ready to help. Being flexible takes some explaining to the girls because I am usually very specific with them about chores.

This is where I admit that I'm a list-maker. Generally the kids are OK with this because I don't include "clean the bathroom." My list looks more like this:

1. Put away all the brushes and hair stuff in the bathroom drawer (they are teen girls after all).
2. Clean the bathroom counter and sink.
3. Wash the bathtub.
4. Clean the toilet.
5. Shake-out the bathroom rugs - outside.
6. Mop the bathroom floor.

The girls feel a greater sense of accomplishment with every little item they can cross off their list so a bunch of small tasks actually shows more progress, which in turn provides more motivation to get everything done.

I also think this works for us because my kids like knowing when they're done with their list, they're done. They know I respect the notion of planning their day around <I>expected</i> work. Generally I don't think efficiency should be penalized by piling on more work simply because you got it done sooner than the task-master (i.e., mom) thought you would. I try hard to stick to the list I give them without demanding more (but of course, there are some exceptions).

My husband, on the other hand, HATES my lists. If I put something on a list, I have almost guaranteed its failure. It might be a month, or a year, before he decides that's a task he'll complete. Instead we verbally discuss our plans for projects and cleaning regularly. We agreed years ago (I thankfully figured this out early in our marriage) that neither of us will try to dictate a "to do" list to the other. Write it down and that project is toast. Talk about it and we each have better luck.

Anyhow, back to the crowd.

Because I wasn't going to be home I could not anticipate what everyone would need at the actual meeting time. Fino had his hands full making sure all the launch equipment worked properly (there is nothing worse than having an equipment failure with a bunch of eager kids).

It turned out everything worked out great.

One family brought a canopy to set up for wayward rocket landings and shade, which I had not thought about beforehand but was an awesome idea. There were other things the moms in attendance located in our house, with the help of my daughters, that made the day comfortable for everyone - like finding folding tables to set up snacks outside and a cooler for popsicle storage to avoid a lot of in-and-out of the house (which was great even though a freezer run wouldn't have been a problem for me, the cooler option was better and I appreciated the mom's forethought). Everything got figured out and everyone had a great afternoon of water rocket launches.

There is much praise to be said for both the stay-at-home mom, the part-time work-from-home mom and the work-outside-the-home mom as well as the (mostly) at-home dad. We all have our moments of making things work out for our kids when we team up and focus on what part of 'hosting' a meeting/activity we each do best.

Yup, a win-win for all involved.


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